DizzyIzzy

Well actually I went a little bit off the rails, drunk too much, started smoking again, get completely out of sync with my hormone regime.

The good news is I’m back, suprsingly this blog has still had a high number of visitors despite not being updated, and I feel very guilty for leaving everyone in limbo.

My plans for my blog are to update and release sections that are currently password protected, and during this week I will be updating the following sections:

Hormone information
This has been a difficult decision, although I self medicate I can not advocate seld medicating on hormones, the health risks are huge - however I have been self med on hormones for over two years and not experienced any serious negative side effects, therefore I will be adding information on a PURELY EDUCATIONAL ONLY BASIS, this will include sources of hormones and anti androgens, typical dosing regimes, my personal experience on hormones, links to other sites regarding meds and self medicating - all of this will be referenced to include sources of my information.

Blog Updates
I will now commit to at least 3 blog updates per week, 1. to help me express my feelings towards transition, and 2. to help other transsexuals.  This was always my original plan.

Links
I will update the links to include other trans related portals, other blogs, and more surgery based links.

Once again my sincerest apologies for my absence from this site, but stay tuned for lots more updates starting this week.

Izzy. xxx

Thursday morning

Today started very badly, Initially I got up in a panic thinking that I was running late for work as I thought my alarm clock/mobile phone was not set, checked the time on my mobile 6.10am, panic over and get to sleep for another 50 minutes yay.

Wake up again, same panic, check mobile phone time now 6.25, at this point I think should I get up but then get reminder of the hangover from last nights bottle of wine, (Hangovers are baaaad/reminder to me that when taking estrogen I can’t drink as much as I used to), fall asleep again.

Wake up again, check mobile phone - This time panic is totally justified alarm did’nt go off, and the time is now 7.19, i normally leave for work at 7.30 leaving me about 5 minutes to spare in the rush hour to get to work for 8.00. Arrrrggggghhhh.

Rushing to get ready I can just about make it, get ready to leave at only 5 minutes later than normal - 7.35, checking I’ve got everything, all except my wallet, panic x2, where is it?, I went out last night did I lose it?, eventually found causing me to inevitablly be very late for work - how embarrassing.

Moral of the story, stop trying to drink as much as I used to when I was a bloke, hangovers are really baaaad, trust your instincts.

Stats for today:

Quit for three weeks, five days, 13 hours, 47 minutes and 51 seconds. 531 cigarettes not smoked, saving £146.16. Life saved: 1 day, 20 hours, 15 minutes.

If you plan to quit and are looking for support feel I would recommend the follow site/forum:

http://www.nosmokingday.org.uk/forum

Just to update everyone, the big quit is still going really well:

Stat’s as follows:

Quit for Four days, 12 hours, 7 minutes and 33 seconds. 90 cigarettes not smoked, saving £24.78. Life saved: 7 hours, 30 minutes.

I’ve had very little in terms of cravings, I think this is because of the impoartance of quitting this time both in terms of money and preparation for surgery.

As of midnight tonight I will have ended my relationship with the evil ciggies, this is a decision that I have made over the last couple of weeks and there are many reasons for my decision:

1.    Cost (At around 2000GBP per year) this is money that could be better placed towards transition.

2.    Health risks, as a transsexual self medicating on HRT the risks of HRT, heart attack and stroke are high enough without adding the extra risks of smoking.

3. I will need to have quit smoking before I can have FFS or GRS, therefore why not quit now!

I would like to thank all the regular site visitors and contributors to the recent poll for helping me make my decision on this.

For the time being there will be a seperate blog category about  quitting smoking.

I am a little concerned about the impact of quitting smoking so soon after having a breakdown earlier this year, however I am happy that this may make me a stronger individual as a result.

Just for those of you that really want to know, the way I am planing to quit is not using patches or gum or any other method of nicotine replacement therapy, instead I will be going cold turkey, yes i know, scary!!!!!!!!!

For the moment I will leave you on this note, as I only have 27 minutes smoking time left.  Any word of encouragement using the comment system would be more than welcome…. Izzy

I am suffering to much from depression to write any more than Happy New Year, hopefully update more in this blog in 2008.

I will explain that at this moment in time I have consumed some very yummy red wine, taken a recent dose of estrogen, and added a bit of finasteride to the mix and listening to some tunes on itunes (whilst I should be sleeping, and completing coursework for college tomorrow) so if any of this appears garbled my apologies.

As promised a further entry to my blog…

As the title suggests, after a 2 month period of no developement despite taking high levels of hormones (if I move I rattle, honest!) I feel that I have made no progress in terms of transition both physically and emotionally, however in the last 2 weeks I have noticed quite a large amount of development in the boob department.

By development I mean it’s beginning to be difficult to hide A cup breasts, and boy clothes are no longer fitting properly, this is both good and bad, at this stage in transition I am currently out to family and close friends but not out at work or college. When I wear T Shirts I have obvious clevage in the boob department and I swear that I get people staring at me trying to work out the Boy/Girl/Boy situation.

I really enjoy the confusion of people trying to suss me out, for example, when I left a fireworks display recently I was walking backing to my car when a gang of young lads were play acting gay sex, one looked back at me and said oh s**t theres some ma.. woman looking at me, and after leaving college one day walking back up the high street I had a couple of lads look at me and say to each other “is that a boy or girl” nice compliment!.

All this leads to a slight problem, I started self medicating on hormones in April 2007, at this stage I wasn’t planning on starting real life test and start living as a full time girl, however with the problem of hiding boob growth, and the growing confusion with people trying to work out my gender I feel that the only option now is to consider starting real life test at Christmas time.

This means:
1. I have to restart laser hair removal on my face again (Oucccch!!!!!)
2. I have to start planning to inform both college andmy work place
3. Shopping trip, Yaaaaaayyyyyy
4. I need to find a new psych
5. Re-plan my whole transition road map (I planned at being at this stage after 12-18 months of hormones not 7 months yikes)
6. I might make it as a bridesmaid at my mums wedding rather than trying to blend into the background (more about this in a future blog entry)

I have loads more to say but for now I think it is time to draw this entry to a close, I hope to have more to say tomorrow, but I would really, really like any feedback from any visitors on this blog, I have lots of site visitors but little in terms of comments and I really need some encouragement to keep writing and open more sections ie. Hormone sections, remember all feedback is moderated, and no registration is required so feel free to say what you want!

Current mood: Sozzled, Tired, (I am soooo going to have a hangover tomorrow)
Listening to: California  by  Phantom Planet  (Tuuunee or rather Ituneees!)

Don’t you just love fireworks, I might be 20 something but still have the enthusiasm that I had as a child when watching fireworks.

For a change this display wasn’t a criminal rip off, £5 for a 20 minute non stop display - not bad, shame about queing for 10 minutes for a cold hot dog

I have attached a copy filmed by me, albeit not brilliant film but for a blonde girl I am still learning how to film for this blog.

More blog entries to follow… honest… no really

Current mood: between depressed and a bottle of red wine might fix it :-)(

Enjoy!

Many apologies for the recent lack of updates.

I started this site with the intention of providing information of the real life experience of a 20 something transsexual in the UK, I have unfortunately lost focus and not updated the blog recently.

*** The good news ***
The hormone dose page will be updated shortly, and I aim to have this site updated daily with both lifestyle and transition blogs starting from today, I have also decided to remove the big brother blog with immediate effect, because to be honest I’m bored to death of BB.

This site will also offer options such as the ability for viewers to help me make choices in my transition by using polls, the first one being should i quit smoking!

I came across this video on YouTube recently, its all about young transsexuals.